The Journey So Far

image source

This post title sounded wrong, I just doesn't know how to put it in other way. So I just let it be. This is my blog and I can do whatever I want with it. And, regarding to the post title, it just about me, looking back down the road I have chosen to travel on. I know I shouldn't looking back, nope, I think everyone should look back and sometimes taking U-Turn. One thing that I realize is that I have no regrets. I used to be so bitter, yet I found an outlet in writing to heal myself. I slowly letting go and begin to dream again. I enjoy being a dreamer. It is something that people barely do nowadays. To dream. 

The more you read...

I read a lot. I think everyone read. I stay away from newspaper though. I only gather what is happening in the world around from talks with family and friends. Basically, I read a lot of cooking books and novels. I also read some article website. Sometimes, I think about reading academic books, but I stopped myself. Enough of hypothesis and theory. I need to feed the artistic side of me, which I have neglected for so long. I think I'm gonna post some book review in this blog. I have LJ blog for that purpose, but I feel that maybe I should cross-post some of it to this blog. I hope I can manage sometime for that. 

The satisfaction...

I'm not a millionaire (yet), but I feel deeply satisfied with what I do now. Creating food. I bake and bake and bake. The moment the cake in the oven began to rise and forming dome, that probably the best moment. One of the best feeling in the world. Then the smell of the caramel, as if the cake is already melted in your mouth. I kinda get the existence of food pron blog. Cooking and baking are crafts that I want to master. 

Writing and Blogging, Seriously...

I'm not a great writer. I get writer's block all the time. My grammar is just on the acceptable level. Juggling with three languages, I think I've manage to grasp the general usage of English language. I still check the dictionary from time to time. Reading some grammar books. But, of course, I realize, the only way I can improve is to use it more often. Blogging the perfect tool for this. I'm thinking of buying domain name and dedicated a little bit more time for writing in the blog. I can't escape it. My subconscious always nag me to write. But I procrastinate, all the time. I also thinking about starting another blog for my interest in baking and also craft. But that is just a plan. I need to be a dedicated writer for this blog and also for my several neglected blog. It's about time, this Queen of Procrastination to step down from the throne. 

Music and Silent...

I'm a K-pop fan. Or a retired K-Pop fan, since I barely know about anything that happen in K-Pop fandom verse anymore. But I didn't stop listening to music. I search for the music that I find interesting. Something that is consistent with my muse. My current favorite is Marina and The Diamonds. I love this girl. I love the songs. I especially love the lyrics. Realistic lyrics that punch in the gut. The metaphor and the hyperbole. The symbolism. Maybe I over-analyze everything. But yeah, analyzing things distract me from reality. And, reality sucks. 

Body image and smooth skin...

I need to lose weight. A common problem in this modern world. I don't believe in dieting though. Maybe I'll just keep on dreaming on having the ideal body weight. NOT. Being overweight is hard, especially when dealing with the strain being put on the knees and ankles. I just need a little bit more of the motivation. And, the smooth skin. I barely wash my face. But I did bought a jar of moisturizing cream. Korean brand, Holika Holika. I think the water that I drink is not enough to moisture my skin. So far, there are no allergic reaction, so I'll probably stick with this moisturizing cream for a while. 

The summary...

Life is full of surprises. I have learn how to enjoy this life. Its now always full of happiness but it is now also full of sadness and bitterness. The are a little bit of each. A balanced amount of each. One can truly enjoy and appreciate happiness once he/she experienced sadness and bitterness. Life is a journey. 

The Year Two Thousand and Thirteen

2013 calender on my desk

The first post in 2013, on 58th day or page 58 of 2013 or 27th February. The last post I made was in August 2012. Long time ago it seem and for sure, a lot of things had happened. I made few draft for posts, but I'm just to lazy to type it. I've even drafted this post in my head, somehow I've misplaced the idea. I've wanted to write about my personal achievements, failures and dreams, but that would be too revealing to this world. I might accidently slandering some people if I want to talk about all those things that happen. I'm going to try my best to avoid that.

2012; I see the year as my process of recovering and journey in finding myself. I re-learn how to love myself and heal my soul. I've also cutting off all the bad branches I made in life. Those were very toxic to me. I'm glad that I realized it, before it is too late.

On the journey of finding myself, I tried everything that I love and wanted to do. Doing it for few weeks and assesing whether I'm comfortable with it or I'm done with it for good. I expended my horizon. Seeing my surrounding in new point of view.

Recovering somehow put me in position of a loner, not having social live. For the year 2013, I hope I can get back to my social life and gaining back my confidence.

I push myself to make this post because I want to stop procrastinating. Its a habit that I badly need to get rid off. It perhaps giving me sometimes to explore my dream and creativity, but somewhere along the way, I required more time to finish my task.

YEAR 2013,

image source: the internet

An Update, After 9 Months Not Logging-in

Hey dear blog, I see there are still some traffic to this blog, despite the lack of updates. I feel bad that I didn't post anything. But I don't have the "writing muse". I'm not testing new software for the time being as well. 

photo credit: jpaxonreyes Flickr

One thing for sure, I'm busy with real life. I'm busy figuring what I really want in life in the process. I read and read and read. I also write, but on paper, because I think I'm too dependent on word processing software. Technology make our life easier, but in the same time, it make us forgot the life before the technology exist. My handwriting is bad, but when I read back my writing on the paper, I can feel more-the emotion, the passion, the frustration-all sort of feeling that come up when I write. I'm not denying the power and the benefits of the technology, because it helped other people to be able to read my writings. My hand-writing is barely readable, so word processing technology help a lot for me to type my writing so that it is being available in readable format. 

My life is probably a mess, but I'm happier at least. Less depressed, even though there are some "feeling-down" moment happen to me once in a while. I can't hurt myself much here. I have temporary reason why I still want to breath. I want to search for a permanent reason. I hope to find the reason soon. This might sound depressing, but believe me, I'm feeling much better. There has been worse moment for me. But I survived it. 

I also begin to notice more about things around me, reading more and doing more stuffs. This is my exploration on life. For other people, I'm wasting my life and time. For me, I'm just saving myself from further depression. 

Maybe I would find a way to start again, in less depressing path. Someday. Soon.